Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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