I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
