You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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