Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
