Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
