okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
