Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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