I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
