I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
