around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
