So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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