I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
