I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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