Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Im part way to drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
