Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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