first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
