meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
