Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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