I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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