dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
