Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
