unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
