party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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