May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
