I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
