You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
