Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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