If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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