meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
