dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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