I got chris browned last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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