she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
