My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
