The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
