wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
