why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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