Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
