he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
