he wants to bone in the snuggie
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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