i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
