I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
