Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
