Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
