if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
