getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You are a genius and a whore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
