I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
3 2 1 whiskey
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
