dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
