I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
