My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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