In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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